Friday, June 27, 2008

I hate having a crush that I can do nothing about and then that person just stares at you with their big beautiful eyes and you blurt something stupid like 'Martians are green' and run away so they don't follow. 

I'm a reasonable man,
get off, get off, get off my case

Thursday, June 26, 2008

boyz to men

Am I pissed that I'm being blamed?

In actuality, do I really care?

Am I surprised that he's even making an effort?

Do I love and trust B like I always have?

.....I'll get back to you on that.Just cuz I don't know who's side he's on. Not that sides matter, but he's been very judgmental lately and I don't think any 'best' friend would be ok with that.

Rips through the Silence

Germany and Spain made it.
Schweinsteiger vs. Torres?
Fuck yeah.
Probably going to be late for work.Whatevs.Another 'occurence', whoop-di-do.

Way too many people telling me to watch out. And all I can think is...well...nothing.I have no reason, no person to blame. There is no other explanation other than I'm bored. Bored with having priorities,bored with being careful,bored with having a general sense of direction. I like having a mouth and a mind, and the ambition to use them together. Its nice to not care, for once. And anyway,like we both realized, this is the calm before the storm. The storm's coming and there's nothing we can do about it.

If I could have my way, I'd just write, paint, sing and photograph people for the rest of my life.

Museebat kojay kalay hee kyun peechay partay hain?
a)I'm not Indian
b)I'm not Indian
c)No,I do not want to go out anytime soon.But yes,maybe I'll think about it, just to say no.

p.s. no touchy.

Winter fog,Summer heat.

I should really take photography up again now that I have my camera back.Saw so many images that I could take a picture of.God I hope I haven't lost the touch.I just....I'm so tired and uninspired all the time.Its been eons since I last painted too.Work drains me, then moving out process drains me,then keeping up with this relationship drains me.Lacey once said 'You see beauty in the simplest things'. I just don't see things that simply anymore.
Age has set in.

God give me strength, God give me patience. Make me realize that this is the maximum level of difficulty that I will have to go through. And if not, well then prescribe me some Aderol or Prozac.Cuz Jesus knows I expect more from me than is possible.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008


no more kisses at the airport.
no more fucking goodbyes.

Monday, June 23, 2008

he was patient,and stayed true

The only sounds in the Van Pelt-Dietrich Library Center are the ruffling of pages and shifting of positions on chairs or sofas.
And I have to fart really bad.


Philly reminds me of Lahore. There are always people on the streets,there's humidity everywhere,men wolf-whistling.
Sitting in S's apartment alone right now.A big fat horn noise woke me up,I don't know why she insists on leaving the windows open when the temperature is the same outside and in.Snooped around a bit in the pantry, in her closet, other general snooping entailed. There is lots of Van Gogh art (proof why we're friends,for so long even), random photographs, pictures of philly. A tiny-ish flag of Pakistan sits on top of the microwave,along with Twinings tea bags, shot glasses and plastic flowers.There is an 'Apple' sticker on almost every appliance.I ate most of her red Starbursts,I hope she doesn't notice.And anyway,there's only healthy stuff in her pantry.99% fat free minestrone soup, special K, e.v.o.o, grilled salmon and soy milk in her fridge. I got frozen palak paneer and parathas and other such gunky stuff to last me the while I'm here. I eat little, but I eat unhealthy.
I know this place is going to become unbearable in a couple of hours, so I'm going to Google nearby things and just go and explore. Forgot my camera at Chachoo's place,so exploring won't be as fun as I would've wanted it to be,but oh well. Must admit that the futon is not so heavenly comfortable and streaming Sigur Ros's new album is giving me an orgasm as we speak.
My dreams have been very unhealthy and almost biblical in meaning lately. I don't understand what the end of the world has to do with me. Why must I witness hurricanes and tornadoes and child labor and priests misguiding people for dinosaurs to eat them.Does it..

Oh I don't know.

Me and M are repairing ourselves.And just as I said that, I feel like we're still so far off from being repaired. Can't say things aren't slightly looking up though, bless telecommunication and Mamoo and M's patience to just get things done.I'm glad him and Esther don't write anymore. There was something just so eerily similar about their word order.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

British tampons can suck on my left nut.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

so knives out

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

its in the way he says he loves
its never enough

Tuesday, June 17, 2008


I've ran out of words to say
to make you go away
to drive you to insanity
to try and make you believe
how so very hard i am to read

keep the words
they are yours to have
anything to distract to make
you leave

I do love you,its not that
just tired of using you
my love has worn you out
made you a man
made you understand

we are like cookie dough
sweet to eat and sick in the stomach
the sugar clings to the cells
and gives us little heart attacks
every dying day

just stay.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

"I never went to f****** university. I don’t know what a paint brush is, I never went to art school."

i did. it taught me to respect other artists.


Sunday, June 8, 2008

i'm a movement by myself,
but i'm a force when we're together.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

oy vey.
Love keeps you up all night. Or most of the night.
The desire to be moves people to an almost insane state.Like a freak show.
I've seen too much,yeah I've seen enough.

Click the top off
lick the wine

Wait to land in
a bucket of time

Melt the snow cap
watch it drain

watch it contaminate
watch it taint

Be careful,H.I can't decide whether I'm pissed or sympathetic.I'm so helpless.I have to listen to you rant,and I can feel your desperation.I feel it when you sigh,I feel it when you try to change the subject.I feel it all,I feel it all. And there is nothing I can do to make any of it better.